“It came out of the blue! I had no clue. She left me without a word.”
After years of listening to couple’s stories, I’ve learned we humans know how to suck it up and suck it up and suck it up. Normally this kind of inner discipline is commendable, but in the area of love, holding things in is a liability. Actually, holding things in is the same as lying. We have an inner truth and we’re not expressing it. Ergo, we’re withholding- AKA lying- about the truth.
This raises two critical dating or relationship questions: 1) “When do I bring up an uncomfortable topic?” 2) “What am I trying to control/ prevent by remaining mute about my discomfort?” You most likely know the answer. “I want to remain in control of the outcome. I don’t want to show my hand and be judged, critiqued, or rejected. I can take it.” So, my dears, with this stalwart attitude, the pressure within builds.
Pressure is the key source of the beautiful and delicious result of an amazing sumptuous espresso. I consider my espresso machine a gift of the gods. I can tract the sounds of the process building pressure, then that magic moment when the first heavenly delivery of darkened liquid offers itself up in an aromatic stream.
Alright, you get the point. Pressure is a signal that something is meant to be released. if you persist/insist on holding it in, holding it private, you will fail. You will fail yourself, fail your partner, fail your future.
I implore you. When you feel the pressure of your truth wanting to be expressed, when you feel your unhappiness and your despair building up – release it. Take a deep breath, ask your lover to listen without any interruption. Then tell him/her take 24 hours to process what you’ve shared before continuing the conversation.
Only then will you be free. Only then are you eligible for the destiny that awaits you. The most important question is this: “Do you dare to do what it takes to reach your destiny?’