Whether at home or traveling to a new territory, humans maintain order with the help of a social hierarchy, referred to as a dominant hierarchy.
draining its reserve of goodwill. This is weakening the very
foundation of the relationship you’ve invested in together. Don’t wait until it’s too late and snap! you’ve lost that loving feeling. Breaking up happens to the best of us. Don’t become a statistic.
Take charge today. Despite your Top Dog’s bluff and bluster, I’ll bet it won’t surprise you when I say it’s likely you know better about love-in-action. Tag, you’re it. Do not dumb yourself down! The truth is, your beloved loves you and needs your courage and your heart wisdom.
The world is a giant scheming court. And we’re all courtiers whether we like it or not. Robert Greene
Nothing gets my blood boiling more than an attitude of entitlement. But my work with relationships has finally outed me. Now I applaud and promote entitlement. Not only does your beloved owe you love and consideration, you owe Love. You owe your relationship 100% your authentic self.
Staying true to yourself isn’t easy. It’s Saturday morning and your desire is, “I’d love for us to go on a hike today.” Upon vague but staunch resistance from your beloved, you tamp down your urge to get out into nature, into motion, into an adventure together. A passive pattern is set. You’re dropping the ball in love.
The biggest mistake you make is gauging situations case by case. Your rationale? “It’s not that important. It’s not worth pushing the issue.” Your theory? “We’ll take turns sacrificing – that’s what love is about.” Your reality? Haven’t you noticed by now? Selfish people do not readily offer up concessions. They’ll happily wear you down and wait you out to attain their preferences. But there’s not just one villain in this love story…
“I can give in this time,” is your default mode. Is it because you’re so nice and kind? Nope. Sensitive people are often chicken (or sheep). You’d rather live with the status quo than feel that queasy feeling in your stomach that accompanies confrontation. And chances are that keeping your reputation intact as a good girl or a nice guy is also in the mix.
The truth? Passivity is a sneaky form of manipulation. Secretly wishing for reciprocation instead of openly asserting yourself makes you a liar. Fair play has turned into foul play.
The magic, the very essence of a relationship, begins with the spark of two persons. The unique contrast and combination of both people’s traits creates the necessary friction and passion of any romantic relationship. You owe love the gift of yourself. I hereby charge you with the responsibility to hold up your end of the bargain.
Assignment #1: Your Family Jewels
Wealthy aristocrats are famous for protecting their family jewels. Your relationship is enhanced by the jewels that you bring to it. Write out a list of your contributions. I.e. – laughter, compromise, loyalty, creativity, celebration, adventure, patience, affection, responsibility, logic, discipline, money-making. (20 items max.)
Assignment #2: Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Look objectively at the list. What values are compromised? Go to a mirror, look straight into your eyes and say out loud: “You’re hiding the truth from yourself and from … You’re afraid of: starting a fight, losing him, being judged, etc. You’re losing your joy, your self, your happy spirit, your faith.
By lying to yourself, you’ve become resentful, you’re weakening this relationship, and you’re contributing to creating distance between you. It’s time to take care of yourself. To come clean, to be honest and tell the truth. Then take a deep breath, and calmly but firmly, repeat the truth to your beloved face to face.
You want to be in love? You can’t seem to get a solid dating life? Let’s look first at how much time women spend gossiping about how all the good men are taken. Or guys complain that there’s only spoiled women out there. Too much time wasted on this fallacy. Cease & desist! No more bemoaning your singleness. Pull back from your uber-focus on who’s out there or who’s not out there. Here’s what you’re going to do.