Who’s to blame for domination and misuse of power? The Bully or the Bullied?
Throughout history power has been commonly associated with control, domination, and one-upsmanship. Too many people can’t get the boss to listen to their requests. Complaints aren’t taken seriously by a spouse. During a museum’s group project, one person takes over. An aggressive player monopolizes the shots in a volleyball tournament. A bully grabs a sibling’s toys. Power in the form of domination is very much alive and present.
Power is not a dirty word. Power is simple, straightforward, and doable if you have courage, faith, and desire.
Power = Root: Latin, for “to be able.”
I advise a wide range of of people who struggle with power-plays in business, school, family dynamics, friends, sports, musicians/bands, dating, and marriage. It can be a disgruntled employee, a dominating or cold-hearted spouse, or a discouraged teen who’s sister keeps wearing (without asking) her favorite jacket, jeans, or sweater.
There’s no way around it. If you’re in a mini or maxi power struggle with someone, first you must identify “Who has the most leverage?” What do I mean by this? Wake up, Bambi. Personalities stem from these four quadrants:
1. Yielding: ” I don’t want to argue.” 2. Complaining: “I don’t SEEEEE? Why aren’t you more flexible…?” 3. Truth- Straightforward: “This is important to me and I expect you to care about my needs as long as I don’t go overboard.” 4. Ultimatum- “I won’t accept the status quo anymore. So, either you respect and consider my opinions and decisions or I’m leaving you. “
OK, Bambi, be real or be resentful. Your choice. I challenge you to spit it out. I dare you to say exactly what’s inside your mind and heart that you’d LIKE to say outloud. Here’s my direction. Be specific. Keep it clear and simple, not wordy or long-winded. Finish with this:
“This is what I want. No debate. No explanation necessary.”